


Broken Cisterns

by Spooky66



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Episode: s04e19 Synchrony, F/M, Post-Season/Series 11, Trigger in chapter 8, Vignettes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:49:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 13,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spooky66/pseuds/Spooky66
Summary: A new series (ish) thing exploring Scully’s feelings and potential actions after the series finale. They will be scattered vignettes not more than 800 words each.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The name comes from the song The Cure for the Pain by Jon Foreman I recommend listening to it cause it’s beautiful and will break your heart.

I try to feel joy but can’t conjure it up.I feel like an empty husk of a person rather than an expectant mother. As I watch the rise and fall of Mulder’s chest all I can think about are the things we’ve lost. We haven’t talked about what a baby would mean or how either of us felt about it. Not talking about things is a long-held practice of ours, not easily given up. It was easier for us to go back to our home and shed silent tears as we moved together in an old familiar way. The doctor in me says sex is a bad idea even at this stage in a high-risk pregnancy but the need for him was too strong. Our mutual loss brought us together in hushed grief, the only sounds marking the loss of our son being the sound of flesh on flesh and stifled sobs.

Getting out of bed I find the stolen photos of William- Jackson- from the Van De Kamp’s ruined home. I trace my little boy’s face and let the tears fall again. In his baseball uniform, he looked proud and so so much like his father that it causes a physical pain in my chest. 

This new baby is not real to me; I just want my son. My poor abandoned baby with the recklessness that could only have come from Mulder and his same pain-filled eyes.

I should have jumped in after him, I should have fought for him, kept him close to me and raised him. But instead, I failed him on every level.

A wave of nausea comes over me and I feel a strange tingling of resentment toward this new being taking up residence in my body.

When I am leaning over the toilet dry heaving I begin to wonder where it all went wrong. I wonder when I could have stopped this out of control train headed toward disaster.

Perhaps the day I gave William up? But no, so much led to that day and that decision. Maybe I can go back further to the cursed day I met Fox Mulder but as I walk back into our bedroom and look at his face, so fucking dear to me, I know that day wasn’t a mistake.

Bellefleur, Oregon. On our second trip to the cursed small town I had been pregnant, days later Mulder was gone and I was alone.

If I could just have stopped him from leaving then he would have been there with me when I learned of our son. I try to imagine what that moment would have been like but it’s too perfect and pure for this world full of pain.

If only. If only I could go back.


	2. Chapter 2

Lisa Ianelli.

I only vaguely remember her as a pretty young woman full of promise. Judging by the Wikipedia page on her, her promise has paid off. For the millionth time, I wish that the Lone Gunmen were around for me to question about all of the things that have been left out of the Wikipedia article.

The Wiki article didn’t mention how in 1997 her boyfriend came from the future as an old man and tried to kill her before killing both versions of himself.

It also included very little mentions of the reason I wanted to find her: her research into time travel.

Last I’d seen her she’d been hoping to continue her research on Tachyons, the sub-atomic particle that can, supposedly, move through time at 0 Kelvin.

The image on her Wiki page shows that 21 years later Lisa has aged well. The young woman is now an acclaimed scientist. Knowing that the Wiki page would never hold the whole story of this woman’s life I decided to use one of the few resources we had left.

The Gunmen had not left us empty-handed. After their death, I’d received a series of emails with various instructions that led me to a few ‘close’ friends of theirs.

I opened an email I used only to email these friends and typed, ‘truth’, in the subject box before simply typing Lisa Ianelli in the body and hitting send.

Within a few hours, they got back to me with her unofficial biography and contact information.

Perfect.

The sounds of Mulder returning from a run reach my ears and I exit my email in a rush and go to greet him.

There is no need for him to know my plans just yet.


	3. Chapter 3

Mulder moving over me. Kissing my neck, running his thumbs over my hard nipples, making me squirm. He is hard against my hip and grinds into me.

He’s all muscle, golden skin, and musk a combination that makes me mad for him.

He doesn’t pause until he is poised at my entrance.

“Will this be bad for…” He trails off because we don’t talk about the baby. We don’t even say the words. Another thing added to the taboo topics between us.

William is on that list.

I shake my head even though I know it probably isn’t good for a late-life pregnancy.

I want him to fill me up, to cum in me and fill me with something besides the burning resentment, grief, and a fetus I don’t want. I tilt my hips toward him and take the tip of him in. when I catch another moment’s hesitation I tighten my muscles around him. Mulder groans and drops his head forward with a slight smile that I return.

He is so filled with lust he doesn’t question me. Because why would I lie about something like this?

As we move I leave nail tracks on his back and ass, and he leaves his own marks on my throat and chest.

My orgasm is surprisingly small but I enjoy watching his face as he cums and I kiss him sweetly.

He falls asleep quickly but I am still haunted by sleeplessness so I get up quietly, grabbing my laptop on my way out of the bedroom.

In the living room, I open up my email and compose an email to Lisa Ianelli. I don’t say who I am. I tell her I want to meet and give her a number to call. At the end I say that I know about Jason Nichols and Dr. Yonechi, knowing it will get her attention.

Then I pray that she will answer me.

A headache comes on and I close my eyes. William still plagues me.

A vision of a ramshackle shelter in an alleyway in the rain comes to mind. I’m cold and hungry.

I wonder again if he is alive but the hope that comes with that thought is too much to bear.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one...

“Who is this?” Her voice is shaky, nervous, and a bit aged but I recognize it.

“Are you on a secure line?” I ask into a new burner phone I bought for this very purpose.

A sigh, “Of course. What do you want?”

“21 years ago your boyfriend and fellow researcher was killed by a futuristic version of himself. I was one of the FBI agents who worked the case, Dana Scully.”

She is silent for a few moments.

“What do you want?”

“I want to meet with you, as I wrote in the email.”

“Why?”

“I would rather discuss it in person.”

“Well, I’m not going unless I know what you want.”

I consider this for a moment. Mulder will be back soon and I don’t want him overhearing any plans I make with Ianelli.

“I don’t have time to discuss everything over the phone- but I’m interested in your studies of the chemical compound that brought Jason Nichols from the future.”

“You want to know if time travel is possible at this time.”

I let my silence answer the question for me.

“I’m not sure I can help you, Agent Scully…”

“Listen, we worked well together on that case. Together we figured out how to combat what killed Yonechi and I was able to use that to save your life.”

“And you’re hoping to cash in?”

“I just want to talk.”

I wait nearly 30 seconds for her to respond.

“Fine. I will send the details by email. We meet on my terms.”


	5. Chapter 5

Mulder’s apartment is like a graveyard where the only sound is soft sobbing. I lay on his bed surrounded by his scent and I wonder when that scent will disappear, just like him.

The baby kicks as if to comfort me, and I cry even harder.

One of his shirts is pressed up against my nose and I use it to mop up my tears.

Suddenly I am in front of his body. He died cold and alone and I want to die too. I want to lie down beside him and never get up.

They have to pry me away from his body and I fight with everything in me because I know that as soon as I leave it will become real.

The sound of the scream wakes me up, and when Mulder’s face appears above me full of worry, I know it was my own scream that woke me.

“Scully… Scully…” He murmurs into my hair as he takes me into his arms. I rest against his chest and listen to his heartbeat, unconvinced that he is real.

I meet with Lisa in the morning and I know when I want to escape to.

I want to scrub my mind of that horrible memory. I want to never know what Mulder’s cold dead body feels and looks like. I want to never have to know what it is like to live in a world where he doesn’t exist.


	6. Chapter 6

“Where do you want to go?” Lisa asks, skipping the pleasantries as she sits down across from me.

I raise an eyebrow at her, “You mean when.”

“What is this? Doctor Who? This is real fucking life Agent Scully and time travel is untested and dangerous.”

“I know how dangerous it is. I know that better than most. I was there, remember?”

“You could destroy the world as we know it.”

“I intend to.”

“I won’t let you.”

I sigh and sit back in my chair, “Let me just tell you my plan and you can tell me if you really think it will have global ramifications. I mean, Jason Nichols killed two people and the world is fine, there is still time travel, and nothing disastrous has happened.”

“That we know of.”

“Cut the shit. Don’t tell me that no one else has done this before. It can’t be that untested or else you wouldn’t be sitting here with me.”

“I don’t know why I’m here.”

“You’re here because you want to know if it works. Let me guess, the past few tries have been small scale, you have to be careful after all. This is an opportunity for you to send someone back 18 years and see if it’s doable.”

“Why do you want to go back?”

“To save my son.”

Lisa looks down at the table with a sad look. Her bio listed her as unmarried with no children and from what I found she has barely dated since Jason died.

“I was pregnant when that old man-Jason- injected me.”

This is new information.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve considered going back and trying to stop all of it but it would be one paradox piled on top of another.”

“Then let me save my son. Please. I will go back 18 years. The only people affected will be my partner, my son, and me.”

She gives me a flat look, “You don’t really believe that.”

Sighing I shake my head.

“Do you want to try this or not?”


	7. Chapter 7

I get home from work to find Mulder sitting at the table looking over a pile of papers and various X files.

“Mulder?” I say when he doesn’t look up.

“What are you planning Scully?” He asks without looking up from the pile in front of him.

“I was planning on chicken salad tonight. I assumed you’d want the leftover pizza but if not you’re on your own, I’m exhausted.”

He looks up at me and I see his face, his narrowed eyes, and the way he clutches the paper in his hands.

“Don’t bullshit me, Scully. What is this?”

I look over the table and see the name, Jason Nichols. Sighing, I take a seat.

“Just wishful thinking Mulder.”

His jaw clenches and I watch as he tries to regain control.

“Were you planning on telling me?”

“Telling you what?”

“Jesus Christ Scully! I thought we were past this kind of shit! You said it yourself back in the day, you wrote that the outcomes would always be the same!” Mulder nearly shouts as he pushes up from the table and begins to pace.

“Mulder, I was just daydreaming, wishing I could go back. The idea of time travel is insane! I didn’t believe it then and I don’t now!” I respond, lying through my teeth.

“I hope you are telling me the truth here because this kind of thing is not something to fuck around with. You’re smarter than that Scully. And you’re- you’re…”

“Pregnant.” I finish for him.

He closes his eyes and sighs.

“This is a chance for a new start.” Mulder says helplessly and I get up.

Putting my hand on his cheek I make him look at me. He’s so charmingly optimistic and it breaks my heart.

I don’t for one moment believe that this pregnancy will go to term but here he stands, imagining a better life.

I kiss him softly and wait for him to respond and put his arms around me.

“Everything is going to be fine.” I lie to him as he lays his head on my shoulder. My fingers run through his soft hair, which now has more grey strands than I remember.

“We’re going to be fine.” I repeat and believe it myself for a moment as I remember my own plan.

I’ll make sure we’re fine.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING   
> Details at the beginning of the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: A detailed description of a miscarriage

“Do you have to go?” Mulder wines into my ear as he holds me from behind.

I continue with my make up and give him a small smile; “I don’t often see Bill anymore. He’s not the most fun person to be around but he is my brother. And you are welcome to come along?” I know he will say no but I still get a bit nervous offering.

He gives a martyr like sigh and flops down on the bed.

“I thought so. It will only be a couple days.”

I’ve told Mulder I’d be going to South Carolina to see Bill as he passes through. Bill is in fact in South Carolina and I will be leaving for a few days but the two have nothing to do with each other.  
While Bill works in South Carolina I will be in Massachusetts, meeting with Lisa Ianelli, and hopefully trying out the cryo-freeze on myself.

As I finish up my eyeliner a sharp pain in my abdomen has me doubled over.

No.

I’ve been preparing myself for this but the reality is too much.

I run to the bathroom overcome with the need to pee.

Mulder follows me but I close the door in his face.

“Scully! Scully, what’s wrong?!”

He’s panicking; I don’t blame him because I am too.

I hear a devastating plop and the following pain nearly makes me pass out. I can’t help myself; I look in the toilet.

I scream.

Mulder busts through the door and glances into the toilet before grabbing me up in his arms and carrying me to the bed.

He quickly gets a wet washcloth and places it between my legs and puts a towel under me.

I’m still sobbing as I hear him go back into the bathroom. A few seconds later I hear the toilet flush and I scream again.

Time passes in a flurry. Mulder must have called an ambulance because at some point there are paramedics gently moving me onto a stretcher.

I begin to yell for Mulder until I feel his hand in mine.

On the drive to the hospital, they give me a sedative. My last thought is of Lisa Ianelli and her travel compound.

There is no longer any reason to hold back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY.   
> But I’m also not sorry. The levels of women at Scully’s age who suffer from miscarriages is very high and I did not think Scully would actually go through with her plan if she were pregnant.   
> I struggled because I did not want to bring her more suffering. I’ve thought a lot about it but I think the difference is that when Chris Carter makes Scully suffer he takes away her autonomy and any emotional healing. This entire story is about Scully taking her life back. It’s my way of giving her a voice. A voice that tells Chris Carter that he can fuck off.   
> I hope that this was not triggering to anyone. Send me all the flames.


	9. Chapter 9

I didn’t want the baby. I knew I would lose her. But it doesn’t make it easier.

Over the next few days the pain comes and goes and I lose more and more of my baby.

Mulder’s baby.

I begin to cry and thrash again and the nurse comes to give me more sedative.

Mulder holds silent vigil over my bed.

He’s trying to be strong but sometimes, when he thinks I’m asleep, I see the silent way he cries.

I’m in and out of consciousness. Sometimes I see baby William, sometimes he is teenage Jackson, and sometimes I am convinced that I am seeing what he is seeing.

But he’s dead. Emily is dead. This baby is dead.

I am mother, but instead of life I only bring death.

Mulder sleeps in the chair next to me and I wonder how many of the deep grooves on his face are dedicated to our lost children.

I begin to assign names to the lines. One on his forehead named ‘Samantha’, the two between his eyes named ‘Bill’ and ‘Teena’, the deep trenches around his mouth all dedicated to William. I supposed that I made up some of his lines. Some of them worry lines, some laugh lines.

Soon new wrinkles would appear for this latest loss.

I remember a discussion from a few days before where he had looked hopefully at my belly and placed his hand there.

Mulder was born to be a father but never would be.

I’ll fix it.

I’ll fix it.

I promise I’ll fix it.

I’ll save us, I’ll fix it.

“Fix what?- Hey Scully- shhhh- it’s ok. Hey, baby, it’s ok, you’re ok.” I realize I’ve been speaking out loud and his face is full of concern. He holds my face in his hands and wipes the hair from my face.

“Bad dream?” He says quietly.

“Our whole life is a bad dream.” I murmur, still not fully awake.

He appears stricken and looks away.

“I love you.” I murmur.

It takes a moment for my hand to find his cheek and he holds it there like it’s the only thing holding him to this earth.

I begin to scoot over and motion for him to lay with me.

He looks around before squeezing his large frame into bed with me.

We kiss softly for a few minutes, his lips and tongue soothing the pain for a little bit. When we pull away he is crying.

“Did it happen because we-“

“No.” I say cutting him off, “By 45 less than %20 of pregnancies make it to term. And at my age, it’s even less. Even if I made it to term the chances of death for both me and the baby are through the roof.”

Mulder looked at a spot over my head and far away, “I hadn’t wanted to look up stats like that.”

“I know.” I told him and tried to ease some of his wrinkles.

“What did you mean by ‘I’ll fix it’?” Mulder asks after a few minutes of silence.

I fake a yawn, “I’m can’t remember.”

The creases between his eyes grow deeper and he tries to decipher the truth.

He won’t find it in my eyes.

I know he’d never let me do what I’m planning.


	10. Chapter 10

For a week Mulder never lets me out of his sight. He followed me around like a lost puppy and looked just as pitiful. I needed his closeness but I also resented it.

I wanted some space to form a new plan with Lisa. When I hadn’t shown up she’d been spooked. In the hospital, I hadn’t had a burner and was forced to send her an email over my normal phone when Mulder was asleep.

The only response I got was an email confirmation. Since then I’d not even had a moment to call her.

Hell, I barely had a moment to piss without Mulder worrying about me. I wondered if he thought I was going to hurt myself.

He believed I had no hope left.

He misstated my distraction for despair.

I used my own plans and dreams of a fake future, or past, to divert my pain. Despite my best efforts, though, I mourned the little unborn child I lost. I tried to think of it scientifically, it was simply a clump of cells, but it was our clump of cells. It was a perfect combination of Mulder and me with a future. In my mind, I had taken to unconsciously calling the fetus ‘she’. In my worse moments, I was haunted by little girl names. Would I give her my middle name? A family name itself. Or maybe my sister’s name, or Mulder’s sister, or my mother, or his? Or could she be given a brand new name free of any baggage and pain? Would she have my last name? Mulder’s last name? or both?

I would have given her Mulder’s name. He deserved that. He was the only Mulder left; the name should go on. Maybe the next generation wouldn’t have been so sad.

We would never know now.

But then I’d remember my own personal mission. If everything went right William Fox Mulder would be ours forever. He would carry on his father’s name. And maybe Mulder and I could try for more children. The thought had come and fled through our years together and eventually, we fell into a pattern that a baby would have disrupted.

If only I could look my past self in the eyes and warn her, or even better look past Mulder in the eyes and tell him. Warn them of the things to come. They could fight back. They could keep their son and move far away, start a family somewhere anonymous, maybe give themselves new names, at least for a little while. 

They could fix our mistakes.


	11. Chapter 11

“I need you to come here.”

“What? No. Where have you been?”

I pause and wonder what to tell her.

“I’ve been sick.”

“Sick with what? If you are unwell this won’t work.”

“I’m fine now.”

She didn’t say anything for a little while and finally sighed.

“Why should I come to DC?”

“Because you want this just as badly as I do. I will get a lab for us that will be nice and quiet. What kind of equipment do you need?”

“I’ll inject the Tachyons and once you are where you want to be you’ll inject yourself with the freezing agent. I’ll base the amount of both on how far you need to go and how long you want to be there. It’s actually all very simple.”

I swallowed, feeling fear for the first time.

“You’re sure this will work?”

“No. That’s why I need this as badly as you do.”

I would be the lab rat. For a moment I just looked at my desk until my eyes caught hold of the photo of William as a baby.

“Just tell me when.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Are you sure you’re ready for such a long shift?”

“I’ll be fine Mulder. I need the distraction.”

“Just- Please- if you get tired take a break. You don’t need to prove anything.”

I stop and turn to him with a smile, “I know. Don’t worry about me, ok? You need some rest too.”

I kiss him tenderly and feel him playfully squeeze my ass. 

I worry about him too; I’ve heard him crying in the night. I’ve gone back and forth on this because if something happens to me he’ll be alone.

But I’m doing this for us.

He doesn’t know that in six hours he will get an email from me explaining where I am and what I’m trying to do.

The nerves begin as I make my way to the lab I sequestered for us using some old connections. Walking into the facility I take a number of deep breaths and whisper William’s name over and over.

My hand subconsciously moves to my empty belly and I am ready.

Lisa is ready too if a bit jumpy. I wonder if she thinks this whole thing is some kind of trap.

“It’s actually all very simple. I will program and measure out the Tachyons to get you to where you want to go. A couple minutes after I inject the Tachyons you should be on your way to where and when you want to go. The second you get there inject yourself with the freezing compound. This is the most important part. I will provide you with enough of the compound for three days as we discussed. You will know when it is time to inject again. Always have the stylus on hand. If not you will go the way of Dr. Yonechi and Jason. Anything you carry on your person will go with you so just make sure to keep these close.”

Lisa holds up a black stylus, “This contains the Tachyons you will need to get home. Inject is within five minutes of your last injection of the freezing compound. The Tachyon will take you right back here and if everything goes correctly you will be waking up to a new life.”

“And if it doesn’t go correctly?”

“There is no way of knowing. Are you ready?”

I nod, close my eyes, and think of my son.


	13. Chapter 13

_Mulder, it’s me._

_If you get this email something has gone horribly wrong and I won’t be coming back to you. For the past few weeks, I have been making plans with Lisa Ianelli, whom we met at MIT over 20_  
years ago. Those files you found were not just wishful thinking. I am sorry for being dishonest with you but I needed to do this. For us. For our son. I will be going back to a time before your abduction to see if I can change the course of our lives. I’ve made a list of events for our past selves to avoid. I’m sure you are worried about the timeline. I am too.  
But the truth is that I would rip apart the timeline if it meant getting William back. 

_I have never loved another the way I love you. You’re the love of my life. My soul mate. I hope you can forgive me someday._

_Love,  
Scully_


	14. Chapter 14

I wake up exactly where I wanted to be, our basement office. As soon as I am aware of my body I feel the heat rising.

I’m dizzy and at first, terrified that I will burst into flames before I can inject myself but I get control of my anxiety and perform the injection.

I feel the relief right away and quickly get to my feet.

The calendar reads, June 6th, 2000 and I celebrate silently. The clock on the wall tells me that Mulder and I will be arriving in the basement at any moment coming back from our trip to Oregon.

As soon as the thought enters my head I hear the elevator doors open and catch the playful banter between Mulder and me.

“All I’m saying is that you deserve to be taken out to an expensive steakhouse and spoiled. No more of that bee pollen shit.”

My own laugh reaches me and it sounds happier than I’ve heard it in years.

“I will allow it, I am a sucker for a good steak.”

“And for dessert, you and I can get ourselves a nice private room and-“

They both stop in the door and stare at me. I’ve not had enough time to gather myself. All my plans fly out the window as soon as I see us.  
Mulder’s face goes from carefree to suspicious and my own younger self raises her eyebrows.

I realize that the lights are dim; they can’t make out who I am. Though I’m fairly sure my younger self wouldn’t believe it anyway.

“Who are you? How did you get down here?” Mulder asks and I see him move one hand to his holster and the other to the small of her back.  
I take a few steps forward and a few seconds’ later Mulder’s hand drops away from his weapon and I can tell he knows.

The young Dana just stares at me, puzzled.

“Scully?” Mulder’s voice is choked and when I nod he turns pale.

I am unsure how to think of my younger self so I land on Dana. She looks up at him and sees that he is still staring at me.

“Who are you?” She questions with a touch of fear in her voice.

“She’s you, Scully.” Mulder’s voice is hushed and he moves closer to me.

He’s so devastatingly young and handsome, and I have to catch my breath.

“Mulder…” Dana says and stares at me. She knows but she doesn’t want to even think it, “What do you mean?”

Mulder ignores her, “How did you get here?”

“It’s complicated.” I say.

“Obviously. Why are you here?”

Before I can answer the phone rings.


	15. Chapter 15

We all stare at each other for a while.

“It’s probably Skinner.” Dana says, hoping for a distraction.

“Yeah probably.” Mulder replies dreamily. He looks at me in that intense way he always has and I can see my young self getting her defenses up.

I’ve always been territorial.

Mulder ignores the phone.

“Why are you here?” He asks again.

Mulder’s cell phone chirps, but he ignores it.

“Don’t go to Oregon.” I demand, throwing my plan out the window.

Both of them look puzzled.

“We already went to Oregon.”

“You are going to want to go back. Don’t do it.”

Dana’s cell phone chirps now and she doesn’t ignore it.

She glances at a text on her ancient cell phone and tells Mulder, “The Gunmen are here. They brought Chinese.”

Mulder looks irritated, “They can wait. Why should I not go back?”

I sigh, “You think that they are after me but they aren’t, they are after you. They will take you. You’ll be gone for months and…” I stop talking and they both gape at me.

“And what?”

I panic, “And-“ I turn to look at myself, “You’re pregnant.”

Her eyebrows draw together and a smile starts to form on Mulder’s face.

“I don’t know who you are, or who you think you are but I’m calling security.”

She starts to head to the phone but Mulder stops her with a gentle hand on her wrist.

“You haven’t been feeling good.” The look on Mulder’s face reminds me of the face his older self would make when he thought of our unborn daughter. I want to cry.

“This is some kind of sick joke.” My younger self is holding back tears.

I step toward her, she steps back.

“Please. I’m begging you. Don’t let him go to Oregon.”

“I have to.” Mulder says.

“Why? For the X files? There are things more important than that, more important than the damn UFO.”

They look at each other.

“What makes you think any of this will change the future? You believe that whatever happens will happen.”

“I used to, maybe I still do, but this is my last hope. This is my hail Mary.”

“Is the future really that bad?” This comes from my younger self who now has a hand on her belly.

I nod.

Their phones start to go off again.

“We need to meet with them. Someone will come down for us.”

“Don’t tell them I’m here.” I say.

“How long are you planning on staying?” Dana asks.

“As long as I need to convince you.”


	16. Chapter 16

I don’t leave the basement office, knowing that I might be stopped in the hallways of the Hoover building if I left.

I know exactly what is happening. They are making a game plan. I remember clearly how the strange group that included all three Gunmen, Skinner, Marita, Krycek, and Mulder and I discussed the possibility of taking down CGB Spender.

Mulder and I walked out into the hall and he told me I couldn’t go with him. I wonder if the scene is different now, I hope it is.

I recall that moment so well because for years I replayed it and wished that I had stopped him.

It’s another two hours before they come back to the basement.

“You have four hours to prove this to us. Come on.” Mulder says.

We ride to his apartment in near silence until Dana turns around and looks at me.

“I’m not saying I believe any of this,” she starts, “But what year do you think you’re from?”

“2018.”

Mulder looks in the rearview mirror, “So the world is still around then?”

He’s half sarcastic.

I don’t answer.

“Are you still with the FBI?” Dana asks and I can tell she is hoping the answer is no.

“Yes.”

“Are we still partners?” Mulder asks.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to answer with more than one word?”

I sigh and look out the window.

“I can’t tell you everything that happens but a series of bad decisions lead to Mulder and I, us- future us- or past for me I guess, going on the run from the government.”

Mulder snorts, “Only a matter of time I guess.”

Dana looks wryly at him with a small smirk. Charmed by him as always.

“Years later you are finally forgiven of all charges and we take a nice long break from everything. A few years after that Skinner comes to us and wants to reopen the X files.”

“What about this baby you say I’m going to have?” Dana asks.

I stare at my lap and feel the tears forming in my eyes, “That is one of the mistakes…”

Her eyes go wide, “You don’t mean-“

I shake my head, “No, no. But not long after Wi- the baby- is born Mulder has to go to ground. Some bad things happen and you-I- feel like the only way to keep the baby safe is to give him up.”

“Him?” Her eyes glisten.

I nod.

“I would never do that.”

“I never thought I would either until I was alone and terrified.”

“Why would I leave you alone with a baby?” Mulder asks seeming angry. I can’t tell if he is mad at himself or me.

“Because I asked you to.”

Both of them are perturbed by this and the questions stop while they take it all in.

After a couple minutes Mulder lays his hand on Dana’s thigh and she holds it there.


	17. Chapter 17

Mulder’s apartment is exactly as I remember it.

I nearly cry from the memories.

It smells and sounds exactly the same. Sunflower seeds scattered over nearly every surface, his basketball in an unlikely position on his desk, his huge grey 90s computer.

It’s perfection.

I look at the old leather couch, the scene of much foreplay, and smile.

The fish tank bubbles in the corner and casts a familiar blue light over the dark room.

Mulder goes into his bedroom and I hear him beginning to pack.

I turn to Dana who is looking at her feet.

“You can’t let him go.” I tell her in an urgent whisper.

Her eyes blaze as she takes me in, “You think I want this? It’s the only way.”

“It’s not. You need to leave. Get out of DC. Use the fake IDs that the Gunmen made for you years ago and hide.”

“How do you know about those? And what happens to him in Oregon?”

“I already told you.”

“You didn’t tell us everything.”

I listen for sounds of Mulder and pull Dana away from the bedroom door. She flinches when I touch her but follows me.

“He dies. I was there when they found his body. I was pregnant and so distraught that I worried about losing the baby.”

Her eyes go wide and I see her glance in the direction of the bedroom.

“But you said we go on the run? He doesn’t die.”

“It’s hard to describe without all the context but we are able to…” I can’t think of a good word but finally land on, “revive him… After a few months…”

“Revive him?” She looks beyond skeptical and I don’t blame her.

“Like I said there is no time for me to explain everything that went into it.”

She shakes her head, “Putting aside all of that, I still don’t believe I’d give up my child.”

“You do. It’s the biggest mistake of your life.”

She says nothing.

“I know how this all sounds. I know better than anyone that you are having a hard time believing this but if there is even a tiny part of you that believes me, you need to keep him here and do as I say.”

Dana doesn’t look at me before she walks into the bedroom.

I hear them whispering to each other and I say a silent prayer.


	18. Chapter18

They argue quietly for nearly five minutes before Mulder storms out. I am sitting on the worn sofa looking at the fish.

“I want to know everything.” Mulder stares at me intensely and I give him a small smile.

It disarms him.

“I assume she gave you the bullet points.”

He nods.

“There’s not much more to say.”

“There has to be.”

Sighing I reach into my jacket pocket where I put my list.

Mulder startles just slightly when I reach for it and I smirk at him.

Dana walks out and looks at me with crossed arms and disapproval.

“I made a list of things that the two of you can prevent. I gave scant details, but it should be helpful.”

Mulder extends his hand for the paper.

They read over it at the same time, the frowns on their faces increasing with every word.

It includes the Gunmen’s death, some meager details about the Super Soldiers, and everything I could remember about the pregnancy.

I considered adding the Trump administration to the list but feared that would scare them more than Mulder’s supposed resurrection.

When Mulder looks up his eyes are troubled, “Jesus… this is- I don’t know what to say.”

He sits in his desk chair and holds his head in his hands. Dana puts the note down and goes to him where she lays a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Before we believe any of this I want to check your story.” She tells me with an accusatory look.

I know exactly what she is thinking and it makes me want to grin at her but I don’t.

“That is pretty easy to do, just go get a couple home tests and check it out.”

“I will want to go to a doctor to back it up.”

“Of course.”

For the first time, she looks hesitant, glancing at Mulder before meeting my eyes.

“How- where- assuming I’m even pregnant, how would this baby come to be?”

I understand all her fears; know them well. I recall Skinner’s words from before Jackson’s death but I also remember the genetic testing that was done on William when he was a baby.

William is Mulder’s son.

“The way they usually come to be.” I say.

Her face darkens.

“Look, I have no explanation beyond that. The child is fully yours and fully Mulder’s, I never found anything in his DNA to suggest anything unnatural.”

I’m careful in my wording. There wasn’t anything wrong with his DNA, but despite that he still was gifted in ways I still don’t understand.

Mulder looks up at Dana with a smile that makes me want to weep.

She sighs and shakes her head slightly.

“I suppose there is no harm in seeing.”


	19. Chapter 19

When Dana leaves to get the pregnancy test the room grows still and tense. By this point, they had both realized silently that I had nowhere to go.

A few minutes after her awkward exit I begin to sweat but I know I need to wait a little longer before injecting.

I can tell Mulder is preparing himself to talk to me, forming all kinds of questions and arguments in his mind.

Finally, he looks up at me, “In the future… are we still together? I know you said we’re partners but…”

I grin at him, he’s so bashful all of a sudden.

“Yes. We had some rough years but we always find our way back.”

He nods and looks away, feeling uncomfortable.

Mulder doesn’t look at me when he speaks next, “You’re still beautiful.”

I suddenly feel even warmer, but I know it doesn’t have to do with the Tachyons.

“Thank you.”

“Did I fare as well?” He asks with a wry smile.

“Actually you buffed up quite a bit. All that pent-up energy during isolation needed some kind of outlet.”

“More than one I hope.” His gaze is somewhat leering now and I am now the one feeling uncomfortable.

I shift slightly at the warmth between my legs; Mulder has always had this kind of effect on me.

To cover my discomfort I laugh lightly.

“Sorry,” he smiles softly and shakes his head, “All of the things on that paper are so awful but honestly I feel like I could face them all if you still hang around.”  
I want to hold him then but I don’t. I am filled with a sudden longing for my Mulder and I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.

“Wouldn’t it be nice though if much of that hardship could be avoided?” I ask at length.

“New hardships will just take their place, we’ve never had the best luck with that kind of thing.”

I nod, knowing too well.

“But I agree, I don’t want Scully or the…” he struggles here and I see a range of emotions, “The baby to be in any danger. I don’t want to put her in a position where she feels like she needs to give up her baby.”

“He’s yours too.”

He smiles widely at this, “I never thought much about being a father until you-she- asked about it, since then I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

“Hopefully this will give you the chance to be a dad. You’ll be such a good father.”

Mulder shakes his head, “I hope so. I didn’t have much of an example.”

It’s around that time that the heat becomes a bit too much. Feeling awkward I take out the stylus full of the freezing agent.

Mulder’s eyebrows draw together, “What’s that?”

I laugh, “Do you remember a case involving time travel at MIT? Jason Nichols, Lisa Ianelli?”

Mulder nods.

“Well, Lisa’s research took off. I’m her first unofficial test subject.”

“I can’t imagine that I agreed to this.”

I look away, “You didn’t know anything about it.”

His anger is palpable but he doesn’t say anything as I inject myself.


	20. Chapter 20

She takes three tests and, of course, all are positive.

I walk into the kitchen to give the two of them time to talk this through. I can’t imagine how they must be feeling. When I found out I was pregnant I was alone and terrified. I found out on one of the worst days of my life.

They get to discover this together, holding each other.

I’m jealous.

Once again I miss Mulder, my Mulder.

I wonder what is happening to the timeline right now. Do they see things changing before them or do will fate wait to change until I am either dead or returned? When I get there will I remember this visit? Will they?

After a few minutes, I give into temptation and walk near the doorway but don’t walk in.

At first, I can only hear their murmurs but after a second I can pick out specific words.

“We can call Frohike, they have the fake IDs all ready. The people coming for us won’t see it coming we can just disappear.” Mulder says soothingly.

“What about the baby?”

“When the baby is born we can give it our fake name. If we go now you can give birth while we are in hiding. We will know we can trust the doctors.”

“What about my family Mulder? I can’t just leave without a word. My mother….”

Mulder was silent for a few beats.

“Scully…”

“I know. I just- I like this life. I enjoy our work, it’s important. I hate to leave it behind.”

“Maybe it won’t be forever. We can have Skinner and the Gunmen keep an eye out. You can find a way to get a message to your mom after we’re gone. It’s to protect this baby, she will understand that.”

It was silent for a few minutes then until Dana called me back in.

Both their faces held the telltale signs of crying. I felt pity for them now but behind it was still the dark feeling of envy.

“I still want to get checked by a doctor before we actually leave.” She told me, face hard and closed off.

I nod.

“But… tomorrow Mulder is going to get things together for us. If they are really coming for him they won’t wait more than a few days so the day after next we will need to be gone.”

I nod again and try to hide my crippling relief.

Mulder holds up the list I’d given them, “How are we supposed to do any of this if we are away?”

I shrug, “You can tell the Gunmen.”

“Their deaths are listed on here.”

“Yes. I have another note for them giving greater detail of their deaths and how they can avoid it if they can.”

They both nod before Mulder’s cell begins to ring.

“Mulder.”

He waits for the person on the other end to speak and he closes his eyes.

“I’m not going.”

I can now hear Skinner’s faint voice coming from the phone. I don’t hear what he’s saying but I can guess.

“I understand sir but I can’t go. I will have to explain it to you tomorrow.”

More yelling can be heard.

Mulder sighs, “You know what? Come over to my apartment and I’ll explain everything.”


	21. Chapter 21

Skinner arrives in a flurry of indignation.

“I’m ready for this great explanation as to why we are currently missing our flight?”

Mulder leads him into the living room where I sit next to my younger counterpart.

Skinner’s brows draw together as he looks back and forth between us.

“What the hell is going on?”

“This is Scully of the future.” Mulder says a little too delighted in breaking this news to our boss.

I smile at Skinner and remember the last time I saw him. We’d gone to visit him in the hospital where he was recovering from two broken legs and nerve damage in his back. He’d closed his eyes and bowed his head when we told him about William. I cried when he told me about Monica. And we all took a sigh of relief when Mulder told him that the Smoking Man was dead.

Although, you can never be sure with him. His proclivity for coming back from the dead was one of the items listed on my notes for them.

Skinner stares at me for some time and I stand up and hold out my hand.

“Sir.” I say.

He takes my hand and looks at me with an incredulous stare.

“What is this? Some kind of joke?”

“No, sir. I risked everything to come back and tell Mulder not to go back to Oregon.”

Skinner sighs.

“There’s more,” Mulder says, “Scully and I- Uh my Scully, our Scully, I mean- need to hit the road with some fake identities. Go into hiding.”

Skinner closes his eyes in frustration, “Why?”

There is a pause.

“I’m pregnant.” Dana tells him as she looks at the floor.

The room once again goes silent.

“And why do you think you need to run?”

“There are people with a vested interest in that baby and in abducting Mulder. Staying here will be dangerous to all three of them.” I state matter of factly.

“Why should we believe you?” Skinner demands.

I hold my arms out palms up as if to say ‘just look at me’.

“We’ve seen look a likes before.”

“Then run the DNA, tomorrow, when Dana goes in for testing run my DNA against hers. It will be an exact match.”

Skinner takes all of this in for a minute before sighing loudly, “What do you need?”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one is short!

I take a deep breath at the door to the Lone Gunmen’s lair. I haven’t seen them in so long. I remember how willing they were to take William and keep him safe for as long as I needed. I remember Frohike showing up drunk at my door when he thought Mulder was dead. I remember them bringing me flowers after William’s birth.

And I remember their funeral.

Mulder wanted to bring me with as proof of the story. He didn’t say it but I also think he kind of wants to show me off. Proof of his work.

We wait, DNA results in hand for the guys to let us in.

“Password.” Frohike’s voice demands through a speaker.

Mulder rolls his eyes, “Just let us in.”

“You forgot it.”

“No, I don’t even know it.”

“Didn’t you check your email this morning?”

“I’ve said it before: I am not going to check my email every fucking morning for your new password. Let us in.”

There is an audible sigh that is followed by the sound of multiple locks opening.

Frohike’s familiar face fills the doorway and I want to cry. He stares at us, mystified.

He tries to form words but has multiple false starts.

“I’m just going to jump right in. Frohike, this is Scully in 20 years.”

“18.” I correct and he sighs.

“18. No one likes a know-it-all Scully.”

Frohike continues to stare at me until the other two Gunmen fill the doorway.

“I thought you were going to Oregon?” Langly says, not fully aware of the situation.

“I was until I got a message from the future not to. Let us in.”

“She’s still hot.” Frohike mutters as they let us in.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m excited. I have the full story saved in word so I’ll be releasing the chapters quickly. But at the same time, I want to keep up the fun. Enjoy!
> 
> P.S see if you can find the small reference to the comics :)

The three strange men listen with various reactions. Byers seems thoughtful; Langly seems confused and a bit unbelieving, while Frohike seems eager.

“But what about the UFO?” Langly asks, “It will be gone soon.”

Mulder looks at the ground before looking up, confliction written all over his face.

“This is more important.”

I am floored by the words but then I remember all his talk about there needing to be an end to all of this and I wonder if he’s thinking this is his ending, his way out.

“More important than finding the truth? Sticking it to that Cigarette Smoking asshole?”

Mulder doesn’t even think about it, “Yes.”

The Gunmen share a look and finally, Frohike shrugs, “What do you need?”

“The IDs that you made for Scully and I a few years ago.”

“Oh, you mean Anthony and Dana Blake?” Langly says with a laugh.

Mulder smiles back, “Of course.”

I let out a laugh. I can’t help it. I’d completely forgotten the names of the fake identities that Mulder had them make for us not long after my cancer. ‘Just in case’ he’d said.

I recall the way my heart jumped a bit that he’d made us married in this scenario. I also recall rolling my eyes when he, with a huge smile, told me that the name Anthony Blake was his way of paying homage to his favorite childhood show, The Magician.

They all stare at me when I laugh, the Gunmen looking on edge and Mulder looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

“And what then? You’re going to just have this baby out in the wild somewhere? These people can find you.” Byers puts forth.

“Then we’ll run again. But they’ve wanted us out of their hair for years, this is perfect. And according to Krycek and Marita CGB is close to death anyway. Who else is going to come for us?”

“Whoever is piloting that UFO.”

Mulder pauses at this.

“Maybe. But that’s a problem for the future. Right now we just need to live one day at a time.”

“And what about the threat of colonization? Everyone will be affected by that.” This comes from Langly.

“Someone will continue the work.”

“Who?”

“Dammit, I don’t know but I’m done sacrificing everything for this, watching Scully sacrifice everything for this! Let someone else lose every fucking thing for once!”

The room freezes. Most had not realized that Mulder had any aspirations outside of the X files. I did but only because of the years I’d spent by his side. My younger variation would have also been shocked to hear Mulder speak this way.

“You’re right.” Frohike says softly.

When no one responds he looks up, determined.

“You and Scully deserve better. If she’s really pregnant the two of you should get out of dodge. You’ve given up enough.”

Mulder visibly relaxes.

“Now let’s get those IDs in order.”


	24. Chapter 24

“I think I know some people who can take the reins.” Skinner says as he paces back and forth in Dana’s apartment.

We’re waiting for her to get back from visiting with her mother. The Gunmen sit uncomfortably at my old kitchen table as Mulder begins to pack some of Scully’s things.

“Already?” Mulder calls from the bedroom.

“I’ve had my eyes on them for a while. Agents John Doggett and Monica Reyes. I think they would do a good job.”

“Can we trust them?”

“I’ve found nothing dirty on them. They have worked together in the past and get along fine. I’ve never met Reyes but I’ve heard a lot about her. Doggett is known as being a tough figure. Unmovable. In fact, his reputation reads a bit like Scully’s. On the other hand, Reyes believes in just about everything.”

“Sounds like me and Scully.”

“Exactly.”

I break in, “I know Reyes and Doggett. You can trust them.”

Mulder pops his head out, “Really?”

“In my timeline when you are abducted Doggett joins the case. He drove me crazy but ended up being helpful. He brought Reyes in on the investigation. Reyes delivered my son. Both of them helped us to escape after Mulder was sentenced to death.”

I don’t mention how Reyes ended up betraying us because I don’t count it as apart of her character. I imagine that things may be different with her life in this timeline. In any case, she won’t know them, won’t be able to betray them if she ends up back on that path.

We all turn to look as we hear Dana unlocking the door. No one moves.

When she walks in she stops and looks at the crowded space with raised eyebrows.

“Mulder?” She calls out. Her eyes and nose are red, she’s been crying.

“In here.” He responds unseen.

She doesn’t greet anyone else but goes straight to the bedroom.

I try to imagine what is happening in the bedroom and picture her walking into Mulder’s waiting arms and letting herself cry for a few minutes.

I close my eyes against my own tears as I miss Mulder’s familiar embrace.


	25. Chapter 25

The burning.

The sting of the needle.

The wonderful cooling sensation over my whole body.

I’m mostly used to it at this point but the Gunmen watch like it’s the most fascinating thing they’ve ever seen. Sighing, I lay my head back on the couch and let the freezing compound work.

“And all you have to do to go back is another injection?” Byers asks, captivated.

I give him an exhausted nod.

“No way.” Frohike starts, “That’s way too simple. Let me see the one that will send you back.”

“No.”

“I just want to take a look.”

“No.”

They sigh in frustration.

Dana reenters the room, seemingly recovered from her earlier distress. 

They all look at her, the same question in their gazes.

“It was positive.” She says unable to hold back a small smile. They all grin at her in concert. Even Skinner smiles softly.

She sticks out a sealed envelope to Skinner.

“Will you give this to my mother after we’re gone?”

Skinner nods solemnly.

I’d been trying to avoid thinking about my mom. When Dana had announced earlier that day that she planned to go out with her mom I nearly cried.

She catches my eye.

“Can we talk in private?” She asks.

Mulder vacates the bedroom and we sit side by side on the bed. I look at us in the mirror and it’s startling.

“In the future is my mom alive?”

I don’t answer.

She sighs, “When? What can I do to stop it?”

“It was not long ago. But it was natural; nothing you can do would stop it. I’m sorry.” And I am. I miss my mom every day. I feel the pain beginning to well up again as I see her close her eyes against tears.

“My brothers?”

“Both fine. Bill is still an ass to Mulder though. But him and Charlie get along great.”

She exhales.

“Did you ever see your son again?” She says tripping over the awkward phrasing.

I nod, “As a teenager, just before I came here.”

“How did he turn out?”

I pause and remember Jackson.

It’s a bad memory.

The report of a boy who was thoughtless and inflicted pain on others to get rid of his own. If it had been any other teen I would have condemned them, but as my son, my only child, I tried to understand.

“He was troubled. His parents didn’t understand his gift but loved him as much as they could.”

“His gift?”

I curse silently. God fucking dammit.

“He was… gifted. Could do strange things. That’s all I’ll say about it except that the two of you need to be prepared to handle a temperamental kid who causes a lot of trouble. Let him talk to you about all of his thoughts, don’t let him keep it in. With parents who know where these… powers… come from he may turn out better.”

She looks at me with a face full of obvious disbelief but moves on.

“Is he- is this baby- really Mulder’s?”

I nod despite what Skinner said. I will never believe my son belonged to that smoking son of a bitch. He was ours, only ours.

Suddenly she looks up at me, “You said ‘was’.”

“Humm?” I am genuinely confused.

“You said he ‘was gifted’.”

I close my eyes against my own stupidity. This new/old world had thrown me into disarray, made me careless.

“Is that why you came back? Because he died?”

I nod again.

“Oh god.”

She clutches her belly protectively.

“We need to get out of here.”


	26. Chapter 26

 

The escape needs to be planned perfectly. We are not sure that they are being watched but don’t want to take any chances.

Mulder withdraws as much cash as he can from both of their accounts. The first thing he does is buy a car, with cash.

They may be watching the banks but there is really no way to plan for that. The Gunmen say they will set up another account in their new names and transfer the money as soon as they can.

They don’t tell anyone where they are going. The Gunmen provided them with a list of people and places that will be safe for them and they chose the one they felt was best.

Skinner just watches in a sad silence and adds the occasional help.

I rub his back.

“You’ll see them again. And when you do they’ll have a kid in tow.”

“The last thing I need is another Mulder running around causing trouble.”

I can hear the smile in his voice and give a small laugh.

“Oh don’t worry, this baby will be plenty of trouble.”

He returns with a chuckle.

“I’m sure.”

We stand in silence for a few minutes and watch the Gunmen, Dana, and Mulder at the kitchen table making plans.

“Do I- Am I still at the FBI?”

I know what he’s really asking: ‘Are we still friends?’

“Yes. In fact, you reopened the X files and gave us our jobs back.”

“I must have had a stroke or something.”

I smile, “Probably.”


	27. Chapter 27

 

The night before they depart I try to sleep on my old couch. This couch also holds too many memories to count, but it’s not the memories keeping me up.

It’s the thought of the future.

In my grief, I hadn’t thought far beyond what I would do if I convinced them.

Images of Mulder alone in our home flit through my mind and keep me awake.

There are no guarantees here. Things may turn out exactly the same.

Or worse.

Things like this always have consequences. One or more of us could suffer from all of this. Maybe it will be this younger version, maybe me and Mulder.

Wrapping my own arms around myself I pretend they are his.

I think of all the people I’ve lost and the list ends at William.

It was one loss too many.

I’d already let one of my children die. This chance to save him was too much to pass up.

I close my eyes and continue to imagine Mulder’s arms around me. He’d gotten so big that I felt even smaller in his embrace.

I felt safe tucked against his strong body, locked into his arms.

A willing prisoner.

I imagine that beyond the bedroom door our two younger selves are in a similar embrace.

As always, using each other to stave off the darkness.


	28. Chapter 28

I can’t help but laugh out loud at the minivan I see waiting outside my old apartment ready to be packed.

I’m not alone in my laughter. The Gunmen all chuckle, Dana gives a little laugh and a shy smile, and even Skinner chuffs out a snicker.

“What? When people have babies they get vans.” Mulder says defensively but with a smile.

“It’s very nice.” Dana responds still beaming at him.

“You’ve gone full dad Mulder. It was nice knowing you!” Langly hollers.

The Gunmen and Skinner laugh.

“You guys are just jealous of my new pride and joy.” Mulder poses next to the car like he’s on The Price is Right.

Dana, shaking her head, begins to move things to the van.

Mulder stops his posturing abruptly and runs over to her to take the bags from her hands.

“You shouldn’t be carrying all this.”

Her scowl is enough to make the Gunmen and Skinner all take a step back and look in various directions.

“Mulder…” She begins but when he looks up at her his face is so happy and open she just shakes her head and hands over the bags, she’ll save the lecture for later.

They do not have much in the way of earthly belongings.

Three big suitcases, one gym bag, a bag filled to the brim with cash, two backpacks, and a cooler filled with food, and a few random bags stuffed with anything else they need.

Before they depart they say a quiet goodbye to each person. I feel my eyes begin to burn as Frohike hands over a plush alien with matching onesie and cap from the three of them. I wonder when they had the time to go out and buy the gifts. Then I begin to miss my old friends again and have to look away before the tears fall.

Skinner tries to hide teary eyes as he hugs Dana. He offers an awkward hand to Mulder who ignores it and goes in for a hug.

When Dana approaches me she is still guarded but I can see a softening in her eyes.

“Thank you… I don’t know if this will change your future or if this will start some kind of diverging timeline but I’ll be forever grateful.”  
I know these words cost her a lot so I just nod.

She gives me an awkward smile, reaches out her hand as if to touch me, thinks better of it, and walks away.

Then Mulder walks over to stand in front of me. The rest of the small gathering fades away as I meet his eyes. They are less lined but I recognize them.  
He leans in and kisses my cheek, “Get back safe. If your Mulder is like me he’s hopeless without you.”

This might be my last chance, my last glimpse of him in this life. If my travel back doesn’t work I’ll never get to hold or kiss him again.

I glance around to see that Dana is putting the last of the things in the trunk with the help of the four bumbling men.

No one is looking so I give him a swift but thorough kiss. My tongue swiping across his lips, my teeth gently marking him. Familiar fire spreads in my belly and I desperately want to pull him closer, deepen the kiss, but I don’t. Our lips part with a small smack and Mulder looks dazed.

“Take care of my son.”

He nods, starts to walk away, hesitates, smiles at me, gives an uncomfortable wave, and finally goes to his rightful place, by his Scully.


	29. Chapter 29

When the car is gone all eyes turn to me. I’ve been avoiding this moment. Fleeting thoughts fill my mind: ‘If I return will I remember this visit or will time repair itself?’ ‘Will Mulder remember?’ ‘What if none of this makes a difference?’ ‘What if because of what I’ve done the universe fractures and we all disappear?’ The fear once again grips me. That last thought makes me freeze. I begin to panic.

I’m not getting enough air.

I can feel the sweat pouring down my face.

My heart is racing.

Skinner, Frohike, Byers, and Langly all surround me.

“Do you need another hit of that freezing thing?” Frohike asks with concern.

He is right.

As I remove it from my pocket I realize it’s my last dose. The injection takes effect right away and I sigh with relief.

Five minutes.

Quickly I search my pockets for the notes for the Gunmen and Skinner.

“These should help you, your own Sibylline books.” I say referencing the obscure Roman fable.

They all stare at me blankly but for Byers who gives a small laugh and takes the note for the three of them.

I give Skinner a note with helpful information for him. He takes it and looks at me with what I think might be longing. Mulder has always insisted that Skinner wants me. At this moment I give him a hug.

He pets my hair, “Stay safe.”

I hug each of the Gunmen in turn before taking out the stylus with the Tachyons.

Skinner’s brows draw together and he takes the note, “How are you going to get home?”

“One hit of this should do it.”

They watch me carefully. And then I’m gone.


	30. Chapter 30

The darkness is deep. At first, I am surrounded by sounds but slowly they turn into moving pictures.

“Get away from my son!”

“Look at me… what they did. Is this what you want for your son?”

“He didn’t have a choice to come into this life. I don’t have a choice about what he is or was… but I do have a choice about the life my son will have…”

“Our son, Mulder… I gave him up.”

I am apart from my body but I know I am crying.

The memories of crying over William’s baby picture fade and are replaced by images I don’t remember.

The tone begins to change and I’m hearing conversations I don’t remember but slowly they come back to me.

“Jesus, he’s beautiful.”

“Hi, little guy!”

“He did it! Please say you filmed that!”

The new memories begin to form and for a while, I wonder if I’m actually dead. It would make sense. How would I be able to travel to the past if I had everything I wanted and didn’t need to?

Impressions of Mulder’s lips on mine, his hands on my breasts, teeth tugging at my earlobe.

Being woken up in the middle of the night by the cries of an infant.

A tiny cabin in the woods, watching William take his first steps.

Suddenly a sonogram and a tiny percussive heartbeat.

“Congratulations, you’re going to have a little girl!”

My thoughts are all like this. Jumbled messes.

“So what do you think? Grace or Katherine?”

“She looks exactly like Sam. I could hold up a baby photo of her and you wouldn’t see the difference.”

I gasp, or at least I think I do.

Then I think I’m done but one day the doctor tells me otherwise. Nearly 50 and expecting a baby.

“Isn’t it a little late in life for a third baby?”

“Oh god. She’s so tiny. So helpless. Mulder, what if we lose her?”

By this time I’m sure that I’m dead and this is a world that I’ve created for myself.

An eternity later I land back in my body. I’m lying on something soft and warm. I cuddle into the blankets and sigh contentedly.

I wonder if this is the future or heaven.

Two strong arms distract me from my attempts at sleep. Familiar hands begin to fondle my breasts and I smile.

“So I’d say we have ten minutes tops but I bet you a load of laundry I can get you off in five.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the last chapter :)

I hear myself laugh but my eyes are closed and I’m still not sure where I am.

Despite my confusion, I am about ready to turn into Mulder’s embrace when a loud sound forces my eyes open.

They open just in time to see the bedroom door slam into the wall and a flash of red and purple fly into the room. Seconds later the little ball of energy lands on Mulder and he lets out an ‘ohuf’ type sound that brings a tiny giggle.

And suddenly I know her.

Evangeline, my last baby. One we were not sure would make it. Just five years old now covered in freckles, glitter, and various sticky substances.

“Okay squish, your knees are right on my ribs.” Mulder says with great effort.

The child just laughs and squirms around until he flips her off and begins to tickle her.

Images of a tiny infant tucked into an incubator with tubes surrounding her come to mind. She smiles up at me, so adorable, so beautiful and I hug her close. I bury my face in her mess of red hair for a moment before she wriggles out of my hands and is on the move again.

I hear the sound of arguing, presumably from downstairs, and I realize that’s where he is.

William.

I leap out of bed and run down the stairs. When I make it down the stairs a 13-year-old Katherine, Kit, passes me with an irritated look.

I remember her too. I recall a little dark haired baby with huge blue eyes staring up at me very seriously. I picture a smiling, bookish, little girl with dark hair and missing front teeth. I see Mulder teaching her softball team and I want to laugh.

William makes a face at her back and goes back to buttering his toast.

I just stare at him for a moment.

He looks just like he did last time I saw him. His hair is shorter and styled. He wears the typical teenage apparels: convers, skinny jeans, and a band shirt.

He looks so normal.

“All I’m going to say is that if she wanted the last bowl of Coco Puffs she should have come down earlier.” He says without looking up.

“Will…” Is the only thing that comes out of my mouth.

He looks up at me, “Mom are you okay?”

It’s when he says ‘mom’ that’s when I fall apart and run to him.

I wrap him in my arms tightly. He’s taller than me and stoops to hug me back.

Bemused he gives a small laugh, “Morning.”

I move back to look at him and cup his face in my hands. His face holds a smirk but his eyes are soft.

Pulling his head down closer to mine I kiss his forehead. I hold my lips there for a moment.

My baby.

“Hey mom, I love you too but I’ve got to eat or we’ll be late.”

“Yeah, of course.” I say and turn away to wipe the tears from my eyes.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second to last chapter :) Enjoy the fluff!

Kit reenters the kitchen, still displeased.

“Mom Will took the last bowl of my cereal and-“

I cut her off with a hug and a kiss to the top of her head.

She is the spitting image of Samantha Mulder and it makes me want to cry again.

At first, she sulks in my arms, her own arms dangling uselessly until she hears me sniffle.

“Mom are you alright?”

I nod, “Yes honey, I’m fine. Just wanted to say good morning.”

I stroke her long dark hair for a moment longer before reluctantly pulling away.

In the midst of my show of affection, she seems to have forgotten her complaint. She gives me a small, awkward, smile before moving past me.

Mulder stands in the doorway, holding Evie who is clutching a well-worn blanket in one hand and a sippy cup in the other. He watches me with concern and I give him a reassuring smile.

Putting down the child he gestures for me to come over.

His face looks exactly as I remembered and I pull him into a close embrace before pulling away to kiss him. He’s taken aback at first but wraps his arms around me after just a moment.

“Oh my god! Get a room!” A teenager yells behind us.

Mulder laughs against my lips and pulls me into the hallway.

“Mulder…” How to phrase this, “Do you remember any other life? Before this one? Where things went differently?”

He looks like he wants to check me for fever.

“Ok, um, when we did we find out I was pregnant with William?”

“Jesus Scully, that was a while ago. I’m not sure. I think it was right after our second trip to Oregon.”

“Yes. Do you remember why we wanted to leave? Go on the run?”

He squints as if trying to place something.

“Now that you mention it, it’s all a bit fuzzy. I just remember that we felt an overwhelming need to get out of dodge.”

I nod, “Are the Gunmen still around?”

“What?”

“Are they alive?”

“Honey,” He takes me by the shoulders, “They are fine. What’s wrong?”

I look up at him, “I’ll tell you, but you won’t believe me.”

He smiles affectionately at me and cups my cheek, “Try me.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter.   
> There is so much to say. To the people who commented and gave me kudos, I will never be able to repay you. This story was kind of my heart. It’s been my post series therapy. As I get ready to post this I have tears in my eyes. I wrote it all by myself and I don’t remember a time I was ever so proud of my work. I hope I have done the characters justice and given you guys a little more peace. This is my head canon.

And suddenly, I remember.

I remember my abduction and subsequent resurrection. I remember waking up to a pregnant Scully and feeling so lost.

Holding my son for the first and last time.

Crying in Scully’s arms in a prison cell.

Fucking away the despair in dirty motel rooms across the country.

The depression.

Scully leaving me.

Jackson.

It all comes back to me as she tells me this tale. It shouldn’t be real. It can’t be real.

But it is.

She’s in the middle of telling me about an email she sent in case she never came back when I crush her to me.

“Oh God Scully, I remember.” I cry into her hair.

She pulls away and looks at me.

“You remember?”

“Yeah, it’s all coming back. I can’t believe I forgot.”

I stroke her face and hair and want to curl myself around her and never let go.

“I don’t understand any of this.”

“Me either but someone out there must have decided that we deserved better.”

She doesn’t say anything, just steps into my arms.

“Oh my god!… MOM!”

Scully laughs into my chest, “I guess it will help me to appreciate this life.”

I cradle her face in my hands, “You. You gave us this life.”

She smiles and looks down, “I’m just happy we’re together.”

“Mom! William said he’s going to make me take the bus!”

Kit stomps over to where we are but her expression changes from contempt to confusion at our tear-stained faces.

“What? What happened?”

“Nothing sweetheart.” Scully says as she begins to fuss around our daughter’s hair.

Kit’s eyebrows are drawn close together but she doesn’t push it.

“William is refusing to drive me.”

“Not true. I said I wouldn’t drive you with an attitude like that.” Jackson supplies from the kitchen.

Scully and I smile at each other and leave the rest of the conversation for later.

That night, when the kids are all finally in bed we are drawn together like magnets.

We’d intended to talk more but the thought of our old life, of how close we came to not having any of this, moves us forward.

I watch Scully with reverence as she moves above me. Her breasts are soft and familiar in my hands.

“There were a few moments where I never thought I’d get to do this again.” Scully tells me softly.

Moving my hands to her ass I pull her forward with each thrust.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about any of this.” She continues after letting out a breathy moan.

“Shuuushh” I say and move my hand to where our bodies meet, “It doesn’t matter, everything is okay now.”

I rub my thumb in circles over her clit and she gives up on talking.

When we both finish with hushed moans and light kisses I move my head to her chest where I listen to her heartbeat.

Strong and fast.

“I’m sorry you had to remember our other life.” She tells me as she runs her fingers through my hair.

I shrug and snuggle against her breast, “I’m not. There was so much pain but it helps me to value this life. And I wouldn’t want you to have to carry that alone.”

Her fingernails scrape tenderly against my scalp and I shiver against her.

We fall asleep like that. Curled together.

Just me and my warrior.

My brave hero.

My Scully.


End file.
